I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
