dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
