Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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