Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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