he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
