The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nutella sex= disaster
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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