i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
