I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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