i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
