he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
