i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
