I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
