I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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