I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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