Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
