My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
