Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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