I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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