Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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