how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
