is wine microwaveable?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
