I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
