there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Quick, to the slutcave!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
