I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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