Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my poor anus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
