Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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