the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
