batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
