Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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