On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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