i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
