But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
