if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
