White coat. Heels.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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