What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
