is wine microwaveable?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
