she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Randomize
