so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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