I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
