I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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