you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
