and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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