What a fucking waste of an outfit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
