your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
