people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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