I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
