Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
