i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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