I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
