i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
